The Secret to Feeling More Confident

You know, I spent a lot of time in my younger days wishing I looked like someone else. And if I’m being honest, I still have some of those same hang ups. I never had a flat stomach, and I’ve had to learn how to dress in a way that minimizes it. My boobs are larger than most women who are my size and height. And my butt, well, it used to be nonexistent, and then I hit late-20-something and now I actually have pants that won’t accommodate it. I also have larger-than-average arms and shoulders, leftover from my swim team days.

Sure, I once wished all of it away. And sometimes I still do. But I’ve also learned the secret to being more confident. And I hate to break it to you, but there is none. The secret lies within you. It means accepting your flaws, whatever that means to you. What I may find a flaw in myself might be your best feature. What I may love about myself may be your biggest insecurity. What being in my late 20s has taught me is that no two people are alike, and that is something worth celebrating.

Disclosure: Some links in this post may be affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission on your click. Some items in this outfit were received courtesy of (c/o) the brand. All opinions are my own!

What I’m Wearing
Vest: Chelsea28 x Olivia Palermo {similar splurge under $300, similar under $175, similar under $70}
Dress: Rayon Twill Striped Shirt Dress c/o J.Jill
Bag: Rebecca Minkoff Regan Satchel
Neck Scarf: Floral Scarf c/o J.Jill {similar under $40, similar under $30}
Rings: Twisted Larimar Ring by Larimar Bliss, Druzy Ring by Two Cats Artifacts
Shoes: Cognac Booties c/o Fred Meyer {similar under $100, similar under $40}

Photos by Megan of Diary of This Girl

We as women are too hard on ourselves. We feel bad when we go up a size. (Or at least I do.) I put pressure on myself to never gain weight, to stay the same. And honestly, that’s just not practical. Our bodies change as we get older, and for some bodies who transition to having children, they may change a whole lot.

So how have I worked on feeling more confident?

I’ve tried to find the things in life to discover what brings me joy. I’ve sought out the outfits that make me feel like a million bucks, even if it’s just in my own head. I’ve tried new things. For me, that means putting myself out there, trying new trends that may feel uncomfortable, and surprising myself by loving a whole lot of them that I never anticipated. Jumpsuits? Never thought I’d be down with a culotte version, but I have two now, and they are some of the most comfortable and most complimented pieces I own. And, I feel like myself in them.

I’ve tried new and different things. Whether that means trying a new fashion trend, a different beauty product, or just a new activity, try something else. You may surprise yourself by finding something you absolutely love that will make you feel a whole new way about yourself. Trying new things makes me feel good about myself. Knowing that I’ve gone outside of my comfort zone makes me feel happy. Looking fear of the unknown in the face will boost your self-esteem and make you feel more confident.

I’ve focused less on the scale and more on how I feel. I’ve stopped checking my weight all the time and instead, I’ve pushed myself to try different workouts, different foods, and to be active more often. With this, I’ve found my body has changed, and not really in the way that I expected it to. It’s grown in different areas and shrunk in others. But, I’ve learned that’s okay as long as I feel good and am healthy. Sure, I slip up from time to time. I checked the scale a few days ago and didn’t love what it said, but I felt good so who cares? At least that’s what I keep telling myself. ;)

Thinking positive and not allowing negative talk about myself or others has also helped me feel more confident. I’m only human and sometimes slip up, but I’ve found by focusing less on FOMO, and what others have, I feel better about myself. We won’t all get the same opportunities in life, and it’s important to feel grateful for the great things that we already have going on. Yes, some others may be more blessed in certain ways than you, but focus on the amazing things happening in your world. I can guarantee you have a lot of awesome stuff going on too!

Giving myself grace to make mistakes, to not be perfect, and not always be “on schedule” has helped me a lot. I’ve had to slow down on my posting schedule on the blog this year due to adulting, but it happens. Before I would put a lot of pressure on myself to stay on plan no matter what, but this year, I found that I feel less stressed and more inspired if I back off and give myself the grace to go at my own pace. It’s okay if you can’t keep up with the next person. We are all different, are in need of self-care in a variety of ways, and that is a-okay.

Spending more time on learning and growing my skills has also made me feel more confident. I found myself questioning whether I was good enough at individual skills, from photography to writing to my job. Instead of spending time feeling like an imposter, I’ve worked to hone these skills. I’ve found tools to help me learn from others, I’ve read more, and watched more content to help me improve my skills. Practice makes perfect, and I’m always learning from others to improve myself.

Feeling grateful more often has made me feel more confident. It reminds me what I have and makes me feel less like looking at others to see what I don’t. Keeping my eyes on my lane has helped me feel less envy and more gratitude. Sure, the green-eyed monster rears it’s ugly head from time to time, but really, I’m pretty darn fortunate, and I am grateful.

Setting small goals or even fewer goals has given me a self-esteem boost. When I’m able to cross more things off my list because I set attainable goals instead of lofty ones, I feel accomplished. I’ve learned there’s only so much one can do in a day, and for me, that may be less than what I’d like, but it’s realistic. This doesn’t mean giving up goal setting; it just means being more realistic and allowing yourself to feel good about yourself even if you don’t hit every single one.

If I’ve learned anything about the secret to self-confidence and boosting self-esteem, it’s that there isn’t just one secret. It’s about finding the magic potion of things that make you feel good about yourself. Whether it’s not focusing on the scale, not overanalyzing in the mirror, or setting fewer goals, we are all so different, and each of us will be affected by these things differently.

How have you become more self-confident? Do you have any tips or tricks to boost self-esteem? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!